The move to Natal opened a whole can of worms for me that I had to deal with.
Besides the traumatic experience of moving house and studio the mental shift took quite a while longer to take place.
I was happy in the Free State, especially living in the peace and quiet on the farm. I made amazing friends and the landscape was good for my soul. Watching the sunsets, the dawn moments, the stars and the animals, wild and farm animals, all brought a richness to my life that will be difficult to replace.
I did not plan to live at the sea, yes I have been thinking it might be great but it was never plan or a dream. So when the move came about it felt sudden although it wasn’t. Time just flew because I had to pack the property in Bethulie and the house on the farm, plus the two studios. On top of it all I had to go through everything and had to get rid of lots of stuff which took time. Yes, it was good to throw away stuff that I never use, and yes, I did bring too much in any case which has to be whittled down some more. But the process was a bit consuming and left me very little time to work through it all.
When I landed in Ballito the unpacking took me exactly a month of hard and dedicated work. The upside is that I lost weight, the down side is that my health suffered.
Then one morning I walked out the back door to hang some washing on the line, and ran smack bang right into the sea. I stood there gaping with the washing basket on my hip, eyes popping, and said aloud: “shit, I am living at the sea”. It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I realized that the moving away from the Free State, and everything I left behind, felt like a divorce. And the feelings of guilt, oh my word, I could not enjoy the life here because it felt like a betrayal of my friends there, as if they were the children in my marriage to the Free State.
So,I now live at the sea, within sight and sound and I have to get used to it? How stupid can a person be? Another realization hit me: I felt this amazing blessing as undeserved because I did not plan or worked for it. I decided to stop the complaining and take this “punishment” like a man, on the nose. To count my blessings and enjoy my new life which feels like a permanent holiday.
What more can I ask of life? Mmmmm ja, I can think of a few things now that I am on track, but I will enjoy this in the mean time.
The final realization is that one should never ever limit your own expectations of life. Go out there and expect magic to happen, every day, because it does, it does.